Councelling the councillors

Overheard in a debt counsellor’s office:

Counsellor: “State your full name please.”

“Tshwane metro.”

Counsellor: “Your ID number?”

Metro: “Minus 4,7 billion.”


Metro: “I wear various hats. Partygoer. Financial juggler. Manager of accounts and people’s general unwelfare. Striker. Dodging people with complaints. Train driver of gravy train. Tenderpreneur, and much more.”

Counsellor: “You seem to be very busy.”

Metro: “Very. But I do catch some rest and sleep during council meetings. Can you believe in this age and democracy, people still worry about such mundane things as water and lights. Or housing. Or work ethics. It disgusts me. People in this country have no culture.”

Counsellor: “Tut, tut. My heart bleeds for you. I must tell you what I tell all my clients, to be so heavy in debt is no reason for shame Everybody experience financial problems these days. We will try to sort it out for you.”

Metro: “Thank you, it makes me feel better. It is just that the media keeps on harping about cash flow and financial problems. I do not have time for that, I have to start ordering food and beverages for my yearlong re-inauguration parties. Book a venue, bands, limousines, accommodation, finalise the guest lists, it’s a lot to worry about.”

Counsellor: “And it is going to cost a lot. Let me look at your financial statements and your debt . How did you manage that?

Metro: “I do not know, I am in the dark about that. Some things just happen. Like all the money we have to fork out for court proceedings when AriForum takes us to court every six months.”

Counsellor: “But you owe Eskom millions. It is a bit extravagent for lights.”

Metro: “Do you expect me to have my parties in the dark? Or that I might sip ordinary champagne instead of French champagne. Banish the thought, I as the metro, want to assure my loyal citizens their council has impeccable taste.”

Counsellor: “What is your main source of income?”

Metro: “Failing young drivers at their driver’s licence tests and switching people’s electricity off so they have to pay a fine.”

Fred Boshoff

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